Write Now

I have a complicated relationship with writing.

Right now I'm trying to write a new short story and the trouble is, the trouble has always been, that it has to be bad before it comes good. This is why, for many years in the throes of depression I wrote diaries by the ton load, but I hated my own words. Sometimes I would scribble them out just so I wouldn't have to see them. Now it's the most useful thing, because I can look back and understand how I was feeling given my mental state. I don't feel angry at how poorly expressed my thoughts are, I feel sympathy for my younger self and sad that it took so long for me to get the help I needed.

Whoever you are and wherever you are, writing helps.

As for my story? Never confuse a single failure with a final defeat.

Positive Vibes

Five things that help me stay positive 

1) Dancing in my flat 

2) Going for walks to get my daylight hours 

3) Positive, caring people

4) Listening to James Brown and Etta James 

5) Looking at this hat

When I'm not positive it's because I can't see anything in colour. Tiny things help. I like to know if I can stay positive I can help to other people. #happything

How To Cope: #happything

Last February was when I cracked. I couldn't keep it in any longer, when my little sister asked me how I was I squeaked out "Not good", heated and violent tears tumbling down my cheeks. The next day she suggested that maybe if we shared one thing every day that made us feel happy it would help. Not a solution, but something. I found it centred me, rooted me more firmly to the ground. I still try to do it - here are some of my happy things.

How the sky looks 

Loving yoga 

Being kinder to myself

Buying a sunflower for my sister

#happything 

#memories

#hope